how to be my kind of woman, by mosephus jones.

if you drink wine at a bar, you are not my kind of woman.

if you are holding hands with anybody at the bar, you are not by kind of woman.

if the color of your drink matches the color of your a) shirt b) shoes c) nail polish, you are definitely not by kind of woman.

if you dance by yourself, you are not by kind of woman.

if you dance with a bar stool, you are not my kind of woman.

if you go to a bar to hang out with a barkeep, you are not by kind of woman.

if you shamelessly fake sexual interest in the owner of a club, just so you dont have to pay cover cuz you think you are better than everyone you just skipped in line, trust me, you are not anyones kind of woman.

if you think porn is gross, you are not my kind of woman.

if you cannot recite three lines each from the Godfather part uno, goodfellas, and scarface, you are not my kind of woman.

if you havent seen all of the above listed movies, plus Godfather part deux and every other scorsese film ever made, you should kick yourself in the head.

oh, and you are not my kind of woman.

if you are more like natalie portman's character in Closer than julia roberts' character in Closer, you are not my kind of woman.

if you cannot handle a guy calling you out for being a stuckup bratty bitch, you lack a sense of humor and are a golddigger.

if you are a golddigger, you are not my kind of woman.

if you lack a sense of humor, then life sucks cuz nothings funny.

if you are the hottest thirty five year old, mother-of-two adult film actress in the world, and you personally handcrafted one of the best wines in the world.

woah, man. you are my kind of woman.