if you come here looking for enlightenment, then surely you must be disappointed.

on a daily basis.

likewise for spirtual nirvana, world peace, and truth.

because frankly, i have no idea what the truth is.

i dont know if i can handle the truth.

because alot of my days are filled with motions without emotions and routine of the worst kind. class food sleep blog class food sleep class sleep food blog sleep.

or something like that.

the ancient story of the phoenix talked about how, after 100 years, this bird would set itself on fire and burn itself into a pile of ashes. and from that same smoldering pile of ashes a brand new bird would come out and do it all over again.

whenever i heard the story i always wondered how he made it to a hundred in the first place.

cuz if get to hang around as long as montgomery burns, then theres gotta be a few decades in there somewhere where shit just wasnt going right. where life was boring and routine and completely without emotion. and then id want to cash in my little burning to ashes routine a few years early, just to get a fresh start if nothing else.

but i think there should be some catches on the whole fire thing. a few simple things, just to make sure when you come back youll know it was all worth it. around the world of emotions in 80 days.

you have to have a really really good day. its has to be 80 and sunny so all the pretty girls are out with little skirts and dresses. and it has to make you feel really good.

then, you have to see one of you friends get hurt. right in front of you. not fatally, but enough for him to writhe around on the ground in pain and scream fuck fuck fuck a whole bunch of times. he has to go to the hospital and you have to wonder if hes ok for a couple of days.

then you have to have the most boring week of your life.

then you have to hear about that girl, that girl that makes your tummy tingle, with another guy. a guy you know. a guy that lives down the street or down the hall. you have to regret ever falling for her and you have lay in bed without food or showering and listen to boyz II men 'end of the road' on loop for three days straight.

and when you come out of your lovesick coma, you have to take a shower and go out with two of your closest friends for a wild night on the town. go someplace where the beer is cheap and flows like wine and theres good loud music. cuz its only in a place like this where good times are born.

and the last thing you have to do is at the end of the night, when its time to go, you look your friends in the eye and tell them you could never have made it through any of this without them. you have to tell them you are leaving and not coming back. not to any of this at least.

and they both understand, because you did make it through.

cuz even though youre leaving behind all the bad things, there are still alot of good things in those ashes too. some of them are good ashes.

and when its finally time, youll turn away and walk down the street alone for the last time. back to your place for the last time. back in your bed for the last time. back of your eyelids for the last time.

and then you wake up and its a brand new day.