dear the game of baseball,

i think you are great.

exceptionally amazing, even.

nothing could be finer than you.

only a sport as great as yourself would have so many loyal fans and have so many people talk about you so much.

only the greatest athletes in the world play you. take for examples such finely tuned athletic machines like david wells, pudge rodriguez, man-ram, jason giambi, and last but not least, the retired john kruk. pulling off so many incredible things on the field, like catching and throwing a ball, i can see why people would easily pay money to see these guys play you, baseball.

and hell, president bush, the greatest president of all time, used to own part of a team that played you.

really though, why else would so many people watch so much of you all the time?

like a game every single day? sometimes two?

because the thing is, during the long hot summer months, there are so many other things in the sports world that sports fans could be watching.

like hot dog eating contests

and bicycle crashing. i mean racing.

and poker!

but the fact that you manage to overpower all those massively popular sports with their massively loyal fanbases is truly astounding. an accomplishment for the ages.

its almost as if people have nothing better to watch.

oh, but your genius doesnt stop there, baseball. everyone knows that you are so much incredibly longer than other sports leagues at over 180 games a regular season, almost all of those games are played during the national football leagues's offseason. a hugely popular television sport on weekends when people watch tv like the nfl isnt any competition at all, cuz you dont play games during its season.

what a genius plan! only you could come up with something like that, baseball!

and when the nfl season does start, you just have a knack for getting those playoff games going. cuz nothing makes the anchors at espn cream their drawers like the playoffs. who cares about the start of nfl, nba, nhl and college basketball seasons when your playoffs are on?!?!

and after avoiding all those other wannabe sports during the offseason, you are still so great that news guys will even talk about all the training you do in the spring, before the next season of you even starts. during march fucking madness, no less.

and then, when your season finally does start, people dont even talk about the nba playoffs, or the nhl playoffs, or the finals, or the championships, cuz who wants to watch those when sports fans can watch the first fifty meaningless games of your season?

your front office is legendary. you never let the players union push you around on anything, like salary caps, trade deals, contract restructuring, or substance testing. and you handle player discipline in such a timely manner. whenever a player appeals a suspension, your administration always always reviews it within the next few months. and meanwhile, suspended players can even play in the all star game, if they so choose, because suspended players have rights too. no other sport has administrators that are as compassionate and as understanding as yours, baseball.

you know what, when you take a step back, and look at all the great things you accomplish, its truly awe-inspiring how you manage to have so many fans, baseball.

keep up the good work.

love,
mobert.