greg thinks doing these survey things make him a fifteen year old girl. he is wrong. clearly, he does not have a myspace and doesnt know any better. apparently neither do i.

BASICS

[my full name is]: Mobert Mosephus Danger Jones The Third

[my birthday is]: November Fif

[my age is]: wes miller, but bout to be michael jordan.

[my birthstone is]: something orange i think

[my horoscope is]: Scorpios fucking rule

[my zodiac is]: Scorpio. they fucking rule.

[my grade in school is]: 8th year senior.

[eye color]: Brown

[hair color]: Brown

[height]: bout 5'7 post haircut.

[weight]: thirty seven short.

[in the morning I am]: tired as fuck, but still well dressed.

[marital status]: gods gift to women. hows that.

[all I need is]: hbo

[love is]: all you need.

[if I could see one person right now]: the fine girl at the pool today. shiiiiiit.

[i dream about]: milk and cookies.

[could you live without the computer?]: sophomore year in college, i went for a full two months while my gateway was in the shop. when i moved into my apartment, i pulled another three week stint with no internet. go figure.

[my favorite color is]: Black

[my favorite animal is]: yo momma in the sack.

[my favorite food is]: whatever pops out the foreman grill.

[my favorite fruit is]: apples

[my favorite vegetable is]: lettuce. as in salads.

[what hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain?]: Emotional

THIS OR THAT

[me/you]: who the fuck are you?

[Coke/Pepsi]: red bull

[day/night]: nocturnal like a damn owl.

[jeans/khakis]: the days of casual pants are over. suit pants + blazer

[car/truck]: cars with big engines and trucks with big rims.

[lunch/dinner]: Dinner

[silver/gold]: platinum duh

HAVE YOU EVER

[pictured your crush naked]: only with a camera.

[actually seen your crush naked]: only in the car.

[had sex]: only on the porch.

[imagined having sex]: only while having sex with another woman.

[been in love]: only wife of mine is a life of crime.

[fallen for your best friend]: nope, keep my enemies too close.

[been rejected]: rejection is for punks.

[rejected someone]: yeah, i just say "you got punked"

[used someone]: only women, but not all women.

[been kissed]: depends where

[been French kissed]: i got a french chick that loves to french kiss

[drank alcohol]: the judge said i shouldnt answer that.

[lied]: only when i talk.

[done something embarrassing]: my lawyer said i shouldnt answer that.

[skipped school]: my parole officer said i shouldnt answer that.

[wished you were someone else]: my mistress said i shouldnt answer that.

WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX

[what do you notice first?]: FBB. go watch alfie and youll know what i mean.

[what's the most you've done with a girl?]: you mean this week?

[what's the most you would do with a girl as of now?]: drink her booze and give her cab fare.

[last person you slow danced with]: my life size princess leia cutout.

[worst thing to say]: "You smell poor." One word: sorority. This wasn't said to me, but just comes to mind when i see "worst thing to say" (seconded, greg)

[tall or short]: short, like about waist height...

[scruffy or clean shaven face]: i want a woman who has to shave more than i do.

[hairy or smooth chest]: two words: areola fur

[eye color]: Any and all.

[hair color]: depends where.

[long or short hair]: again, depends where.

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON

[you talked to on the phone]: parental unit.

[you hugged]: my life size molly ringwald cut out

[you kissed]: im sorry, i was really drunk. i dont remember her name.

[you instant messaged]: sarah.

[you laughed with]: the entourage from work.

HAVE YOU/ARE YOU/DO YOU

[have a crush on someone]: not sober.

[right/left handed]: right is might.

[smoke]: no, but ive been told my body does.

[obsessive]: nope, just compulsive.

[trust others way too easily]: trust no one.

FIRSTS

[first best friend]: my life size chewbacca cutout.

[first date]: went to see seven years in tibet starring brad pitt.

[first girlfriend]: my life size debbie gibson cutout.

[first kiss]: in the back corner of the snack bar at the skating rink.

[first job]: bagger at lowes foods. pretty soon, i was runnin that shit.

[first screen name]: fuckyoupayme1983

[first self purchased album]: skee lo "i wish." what you know aobut dat?

[first funeral]: brooks' mom.

[first pets]: dog julie.

[first piercing/tattoo]: upper ear in mexico. more coming.

[first enemy]: the kid in gym class that always called me names.

[first big trip]: Korea. news flash everyone: its just Korea. kim jong may have lost his damn mind, but officially, by declaration of the goverment, its just Korea. save all that north/south bullshit for the dakotas.

[first play/musical/performance]: in the shower with a bar of soap when i was eight.

LASTS

[last big car ride]: fifteen hour trip in thirteen hours to miami.

[last kiss]: my life size marilyn monroe cut out.

[last movie seen]: black hawk down.

[last beverage drank]: milk.

[last food consumed]: beef jerky and cheez itz.

[last phone call]: Think I answered this already.

[last shoes worn]: caramel johnson and murphy captoes. (better get yo shoe game up, greg)

[last item bought]: quiznos mesquite chicken sub.

[last soda drank]: red bull

[last ice cream eaten]: starbucks java chip.

[last shirt worn]: navy blue zoo york tee.

[last website visited]: the prosecutor said i shouldnt answer that.

FINAL QUESTIONS

[who has it easier-boys or girls?]: middle aged, married women.

[I want]: an xbox 360, dammit.

[I love]: paris in the springtime.

[I miss]: Carolina.

[I fear]: moths eating my suits.

[I hear]: my car alarm going off. fuck.

[I wonder]: when im gonna get that fixed. hmmmm...